I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
