you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
