I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
