I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
