Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
