so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
