A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
