is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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