how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
