I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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