I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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