you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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