Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
