No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
