Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
