I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
