He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
