This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
