I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
