Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
