worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
