Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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