Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
