You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
