I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
