I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
