she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's rum buckets o'clock
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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