You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
