I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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