Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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