I wish i was in the wii world.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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