I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
