Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
