You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
