You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize