Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
