I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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