so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
