Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
