maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
