I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
