Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
