Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
someone owes me an orgasm
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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