I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
