Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
