Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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