she woke up with a sticky ear
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
