her vagine was all disorganized.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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