She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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