Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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