I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
