i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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