um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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