She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
soo... how was my night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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