Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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