she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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