so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
