I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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