i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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