Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
