i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize