Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
