ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She bit a glass in half.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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