she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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