Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
