i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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