i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
