Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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