.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
