This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
