im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
