guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am full of burrito and curiosity
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
