I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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