I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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