uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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