i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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