You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
