i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
