how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
