i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
