Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
