We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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