when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
