My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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